Chivalry or Chauvinism?

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Opening doors, carrying groceries, walking girls home—is it chivalry or chauvinism?

A few days ago I read this series on chivalry. Great stuff, and its even better when you realize that it’s written by a teenager.

Reading these articles really made me grateful for my sister. As I was growing up, she did a good job instilling in me a lot of these principles. I remember going grocery shopping, and my sister would be carrying something moderately heavy. Once she saw me, I would hear, “Hello?!” Or we’d be in the church parking lot on our way home, and I would start walking to the passenger’s seat, when I would hear keys rattling, and the same, “Hello?!” (subtlety was never big in the Hong household).

I was never offended though. We had discussions about it before–the kind where she talks and I listen. “Treat women with respect—all women.” I heard it before, and Brett Harris mentions it in his article: how you treat your mother and your sister are good indicators of how you will treat your future wife. But when you consider 1 Timothy 5:1-2 (which reads: “Treat…older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity”), then the principle really covers anyone with two X chromosomes.

From a biblical standpoint, it’s simple really: guys are to be leaders (Genesis 3; Ephesians 5:22-33; Colossians 3:18, 19; 1 Timothy 3); leaders are to be servants (Matthew 20:26-28; John 13:15); and servants are to be selflessly considerate of others’ needs (Matthew 22:37-39, 1 Corinthians 9:19).

So it’s not surprising that Brett Harris, in his article, points to general self-centeredness as the greatest enemy to chivalry. It’s self-centeredness that not only deters many a chivalrous deed, but keeps many guys from even considering the possibility of such deeds. Chivalry can’t reside in a mind that is consumed with comfort and convenience. But what I thought was more insightful was his recurring appeal to women, to not discourage these simple and seemingly insignificant acts of service. He has a great analogy (I won’t steal his thunder) for showing that constantly refusing these acts will probably do more harm than good—for both parties. For the guy, these moments are often a struggle with flesh and pride, and so a refusal can discourage and deter them from future acts of such service. And for the girl, well, they’ll soon wonder where all the gentlemen in their lives went. I remember several years ago, I was holding the door open at our place for several guests, and everyone walked in, no big deal—save for one particular girl. After some insistence on my part, it was clear that she wasn’t going to budge. “That’s the last time I try that—for her.” I imagine, I probably wasn’t the last guy to have that thought.

Ladies, if by refusing a brother’s service, you think you’re doing him a favor, you’re not. In fact, there’s a certain joy knowing we’re able to serve in this way and that the help is genuinely appreciated. In this way, chivalry is really a two-way street, where God’s design is being lived out—granted, on a small scale, but significant nonetheless.

Another great point he brings up is the need for guys to be consistent in their chivalry—to not just pick and choose to whom and when they will be a gentleman. He calls it counterfeit chivalry—I call it shady. He has many more great insights into the subject and I encourage you to read through it all.

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Tags: Chivalry, gentleman, gentlemen